Beach House Birthday and Other Stories by Shobhaa De

Author:Shobhaa De
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: null
Publisher: S&S India
Published: 2020-04-14T16:00:00+00:00

BEACH HOUSE BIRTHDAY

‘Oye… where are you guys? Come and watch the cyclone… it’s pretty awesome.’ Idiots! Must be bloody lolling around watching some dumbass shows. Jesus! Just my luck I had to get stuck with this bunch of losers. This is my fucking set-up… it was meant to be a chilled out weekend bringing in my wife’s thirtieth - not this shitty lockdown crap of getting locked in with her stupid galpal chamchis.

Gawd! One stupider than the other. Them - and me! Thank God we have our staff staying with us… or else, I swear I would have started swimming back to Mumbai as soon as we got the news about the lockdown happening. Even when we heard it, I didn’t take it seriously. I said to my staff, ‘Dekha jayega, guys…’ and I got myself a drink. See… had all of us been given proper time to get organised, we would have managed somehow. But come on… what the fuck could we do from Awas at 8 p.m. on a fucking Sunday, that too? I love my set-up here and all that. But this place is a village, okay? And the jetty in Mandwa is not in my backyard. We still have to drive there to catch a boat back to Mumbai. Upar se, Mandwa is not Monaco, that we can just jump into a speedboat from our private jetty and bugger off. Idhar toh there is bhaari security and stuff. Besides, the boats weren’t plying, the sea was closed. Had Shah Rukh been in my place, even he would not have been able to do a thing! And imagine King Khan and I are almost like neighbours here in Alibaug! Not aamney samne... my beach house is in Awas and his is close by in another village, but still, yaar, we are neighbours here.

Driving back was also out. I checked. Called my cop friends - yeah, yeah, the same ones I go dance for like a trained monkey at the annual police event. Shit man! I mean, we could have got our shit together and left for Mumbai, like a few people did. But who was sane that night? I bloody couldn’t get my head straight. Had done stuff... plus, all those shots... nothing was making sense. Those women were on some other trip... in some other zone. Honestly speaking, we really thought we could do the usual setting the next morning... bribe a few cops. Bas.

But this fucking party was not meant to end that way... or that quickly. By the time we woke up, it was two in the afternoon. My manager had called a hundred times. I still didn’t think we were going to be stuck here. I phoned Mr. Fixer - everybody’s favourite cop. Pandayji said, ‘No chance!’

He said, ‘Sorry boss… orders. You will need special permission to cross districts and enter the city. Not safe. Stay there, only. Have fun! Relax… eat… mauj karo. All are in the same boat, Arnavji!’

Have fun my ass! Birthday-shirthday was okay.

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